I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
