Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think my vagina is haunted
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
