Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
