That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
