do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I checked into jail on foursquare
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
