Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
