I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
