I cannot find my penis.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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