Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
