We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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