Taylor Swift is so right about you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Someone signed my nipple.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
