i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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