The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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