no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
