he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
