Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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