so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
bring money and cleavage
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
