Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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