Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
