He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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