it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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