He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
