you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My ass is underappreciated
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
