Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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