Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
