You work out of a Hotel?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
