I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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