i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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