Sry I called you an 8
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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