this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
