Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
