I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I met the friendliest cop last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
