this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Randomize
