So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
did i just pee glitter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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