Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
