she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
