I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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