Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
