If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
