I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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