I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
