two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just cropdusted the office
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
