After last night, I could never be a politician.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
