Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
