fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
