I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
