well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
