She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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