if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
