I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
