Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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