I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
