remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
